“Relationship fairness is not about martyrdom or self-sacrifice at all costs. It is about recognizing and respecting your relationship’s needs.”- Tonya Lapido
On this weeks episode of “The Relationship Status” Podcast the crew tackled the topic of the 50/50 relationship. There were many points made, but the most interesting was the point that CL made that there should be no such thing as a 50/50 relationship. When I heard this, I began to explore that premise.
So what exactly is a 50/50 relationship by definition? By definition a 50/50 relationship is supposed to be an equitable arrangement between the two people in a relationship. CL and others beg to differ with that idea. On the show, C.L. says that a 50/50 relationship causes people to, as he put it “Keep Score”. That is true! each person within the relationship only feels obligated to do what they believe is being done on the other side. Tonya Lapido from GoodTherapy.com agrees with C.L. and wrote an article on the topic called “Relationship Fairness“. In the article she states that “Partners base their giving on sameness and equality rather than the needs of the relationship.” So what should a relationship look like when talking 50/50?
“Fairness in a relationship is about understanding and working toward the needs of the relationship, not just the needs of each person.” says Lapido and C.L.’s thoughts on the subject are right in line with this. Each person in the relationship should be giving 100% of themselves to make the relationship successful. When we keep score in the relationship, we focus on ourselves rather than the health and success of the relationship. No matter the relationship, there should be a complete and utter dedication to the success of it. On thegoodmenproject.com, Ryan Hall wrote and article named “Why is the 50/50 relationship so unhealthy.” In the article he tells his own personal story of a relationship he was in that quickly turned from 50/50 to 80/20. He said that she started giving less and less while he took on more of the responsibility to as he put it “Keep the relationship alive.” Many people do this everyday. In an effort to keep the relationship alive, they take more which, in most cases, causes resentment. Thus bringing about the deterioration of the relationship. So give 100% of you and watch how successful your relationship is. As Mr. Hall put it “Relationships should bring out the best in people. Business relationships, personal relationships, romantic relationships, and your relationship with yourself – they should be healthy and beneficial for all.” The 50/50 relationship is more of a myth than anything real. Click play below and listen to the episode of Relationship Status and leave a comment to let us know what you think.