Attraction: Is Change Necessary?

Is today’s dating scene pushing us to the point of changing how we approach potential relationships?

images“You’re like family to me.” “I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship.” Sounds familiar right? Nowadays it seems like you are always finding yourself in that uncharted territory called The Friend Zone. Why is that? You’re a nice person. You work for a living, got a good head on your shoulders, and your heart is in the right place. That should make you a commodity in the laws of attraction right? NOPE! I mean let’s be honest…most people find themselves in the Friend Zone because honestly, that person is not attracted to you. So instead of turning you down, even though some will, they much rather “adopt” you as their kin…crazy right? Think about when you were around that person. Did you ever notice the “buzz words” they used? That is their way of letting you know that wherever you think this is going…it’s not!

I know it chips at your pride and eats at your confidence each time you put yourself out there to be left just out there. So is it safe to say that we can’t be ourselves anymore? Should we be like the chameleon and adapt to our environment in order to gain the upper hand in this playing field? Or should we just settle for what we can attract? Sounds fair? Not at all, but it seems as though this is the card that is being dealt. In order to rise up in the dating totem pole, some would suggest that you should change something about yourself…

Increase your finances: They say money is the root of all evil, yet it is the object of affection for affection. Money can, without a doubt, increase your options in the dating pool. Sex sells…you agree? With that being said, if you dig deep enough into sexual satisfaction and desire you will find money. Money will let you have a wife and a girlfriend, both living at the same house. Some folks won’t openly admit it but if their significant other or spouse was paid in the shade, they’d be willing to share as long as their financial needs were met. Don’t think so? Mess around and hit the lottery. It’s sad, but that is the world we live in…superficial.

Lose weight/gain muscle…transform your body: You should always love yourself, and love who you are because in God’s eyes you were wonderfully made. Too bad that isn’t the case when it comes to attraction, dating, or mating. According to society, overweight people are in the bottom of the dating totem pole. However, there are others who will date people that are overweight. Why? Some are actually attracted to “big” men or women. Some date them because they feel “safe”. What do they mean by “safe”? Glad you asked. Safe means being the person of your size they know that the chances of you cheating or being wanted by others are slim. Some people use that as an advantage to say you should be lucky to be with someone like them and because you know your options are limited you go out of your way to keep them.
If you feel you’re in this constant sinking boat then here’s a life line…lose the weight! Yes, hit the gym! It definitely can benefit health wise and not to mention, statistics say that losing weight increases your potential in the dating pool significantly. Let’s be honest, some people won’t even consider looking your way if you’re a certain weight. So let’s hit the treadmill, push that iron, and gain those muscles! Women love muscular men! UCLA research confirms “women are attractive to muscular men…it’s like cat nip to them.”

Maybe weight isn’t your issue…ladies, you ever looked in the mirror wishing your “fun parts” were different? Well, the increase of women, especially black women, getting butt and breast implants are at an all-time high! Google before and after pics of black celebrities and see for yourself! Some women who have undergone that kind of surgery admit that a lot of guys they wanted to have were not attracted to them and they weren’t satisfied with the kind of guys they were attracting. Now after they had their surgery, their options are many and now they can choose who they feel is worth their time and attention.

Pickup another personality: Are you too nice of a person? Maybe you’re a flat out butthole? Yes personality is a key component in the dating game. Two people that come to mind who prove that changing your personality can expand your attractiveness territory are Alvin Johnson and Tity Boi/2 Chains. Who is Alvin Johnson? Well Alvin Johnson was a nerd in high school that was attracted to this very popular cheerleader. After a bet, the girl agreed to “go steady” with him. However, the girl became jealous once she saw that all the other girls wanted Alvin as well. What changed about him, he was the same guy right? Well yes and no…he changed his wardrobe, his hair, and his PERSONALITY! If this sounds familiar that’s because it’s pretty much the plot of “Love Don’t Cost a Thing”. Here’s another…Tity Boi. Tity Boi has been in the rap game for a while, featured in a lot songs with Ludacris, but he is best known for “Duffel Bag Boy”. After changing his style and his name (now 2 Chainz), he is just about on everybody’s list as one of their favorite rappers. What is my point? Well sometimes you may have to change your personality to attract people. Speaking of attracting people, some women have become promiscuous in order to widen their range of attraction. Those that wanted to wait until they’re married to have sex now have walked away from that because that makes them not a commodity to some. That shy girl is now a good time girl that is down for whatever if that will help her attract the guys that she wants.

So with all that being said, should someone change who they are in order to expand their range in attractiveness?


7 thoughts on “Attraction: Is Change Necessary?”

  1. Sad to say but this article is true! Money, weight and personality all play apart in the dating pool. But if you love your personality, don’t change. I would like an example of being too nice is bad in the dating field. I guess if you are too nice then you get walk on. Love the article and I look forward to more!


  2. Great read brother. In my opinion (not that it counts), one should not change merely to “attract” others for a relationship. Eventually the “real” person will come popping out of the paper machete box…..then there’s going to be a problem. Change is wonderful if the goal is SELF improvement, otherwise it’s probably very temporary. Real change, be it physical or mental takes a lot time time, consistency, and effort.


  3. Good read homie. I don’t believe you should have to change for people. With that said, your article holds a lot of “weight”. I couldn’t resist the pun especially since I’m the big homie. But man this society is twisted anyway so folks should just do them.


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