How do you know when it’s she’s not the one? We give you 7 signs that it’s time to go on with your life.
Every man has been there. You’re really trying to make things work with your girl, but there just seems to be no hope any longer. The two of you used to be so happy. But, something is now missing and you just don’t know how to fix it. That’s the thing…maybe the best to do is to realize that there is no “fixing it”. Perhaps the only option available at this point is to just let it go.
So how do you know when it’s time to throw in the towel? We’ll drop 7 signs that are telltale reasons to ditch your broken relationship.
1. Past memories are more fond than new experiences.
Do you replay the happy moments of the relationship to make you feel good about it? Do you use them as reasons to continue on with her? If so, it’s a sign your current relationship isn’t what you want it to be. The more we live in past memories and/or a self-created future, the more we are living in a self-created reality. This is quite dangerous since it’s not reflective of the actual state of the relationship.
Remember your relationship with her exists in the current moment. Not in the past. Past memories should remain as memories and not as a reason to stay together. Your decision on whether to stay with her should be based on your current feelings for her, the actual state of the relationship and the future you see with her.
2. She blatantly repeats the same hurtful actions, even after you address them.
Once might be a coincidence. Twice, you might want to give her another chance. But 3 times is a clear sign something is wrong. I finally realized nothing was coming out from the relationship between my ex and I after our loop played out the third time. Each time, I did what I could to make it work out, but it always stopped at the same end. It was more than enough evidence that this was a wrap.
Do you find yourself in replay mode in your relationship? Do you keep landing in the same situation, the same scenario, the same outcome, over and over again, no matter what you do? If so, perhaps you need to accept this is the furthest the relationship can go. You can keep pressing on, but it’s only a matter of time before it sinks in that there’s nothing further left. This is the end of the road. There is a future for you and her, and this relationship isn’t the path to that future.
3. You stop putting effort into making each other happy.
Every relationship requires effort by both parties. The same applies for family, friendships, mentorships and most definitely romantic relationships. Both of you have to commit to the relationship together. If you are constantly the one putting in more effort, sooner than later it’ll drain you. You have to give more and more just to keep the relationship afloat. Unless this imbalance is addressed, it will only become more exacerbated over time. Soon you sink your whole self into it, losing your self identity in the process.
4. When you realize your core values are too different.
For any friendship or relationship to work out, there has to be certain similarity in fundamental values. Commonality in these values are the big rocks which will hold the friendship in place. Even if other things are dissimilar, the big rocks will enable the friendship to weather through even the toughest storms ahead.
On the other hand, if your core values are fundamentally different, it doesn’t matter even if everything else is the same. The journey to keep the relationship together will only become an uphill battle. It’s just like trying to hold the soil of the ground together in a heavy rain. Without the roots of the tree to hold this soil together, everything will just slip away despite your best efforts.
5. She doesn’t inspire / encourage your growth.
A relationship is ultimately a third entity formed due to two individuals. Every relationship evolves based on how both parties are growing. Sometimes both parties grow at the same pace. There are times where the relationship is one of stagnancy, where neither party grows. Then there are the times when one outgrows the other, by leaps and bounds.
When this occurs, you have two options, either change the dynamics of the relationship to fit this new development, or change yourself to maintain the same dynamics. It’s more important to first be true to ourselves. Determine who you are and who you want to be, then decide if this relationship is one that is compatible with you. A relationship that hinders you from growing into your own isn’t the best one for you.
6. You don’t trust her…or she doesn’t trust you.
Once the trust is gone from a relationship, it’s doomsday. You go out…she’s blowing up your phone or showing up out of the blue. She goes to take a shower…you’re going through her phone. Actions such as these are a definite sign that it’s time to move on. No one in a healthy relationship has the time or energy to expend on useless, childish tactics.
The minute you find yourself questioning every word she says or if you feel as if she’s looking at you sideways on everything, seriously consider going your separate ways. No man wants to be questioned upon his every move. Add to that, no man wants to be with a woman that he feels he has to question just as often.
7. She’s constantly involving outsiders in your relationship.
There are few things more frustrating than your girl’s friends and family knowing every detail of your relationship. It’s completely understanding if, at times, she has to vent to someone. However, to feel judged every time you’re around her people is absolutely draining. And it’s a huge relationship killer.
What women who do this don’t understand is that once they forgive their man for whatever he did to piss her off, the people she’s brought on-board are still mad. These people are still holding on to the anger, pain and judgement that she dumped on them and will continue to hold it against you. Thus, fueling the fire for the next go-round. When this happens on the regular, it’s time to give her the old heave-ho, buddy.